The enemy within

Today I tried to focus on my anger that I have within me about my current situation in my career. I’ve had a job for 21 years with the same company it’s not a good company as companies go there’s no privileges perks and benefits anything whatsoever except a paycheck and I work really hard for it and it’s enough to almost pay my bills and every time I go out on my own and try to find a different job it’s worse and I get paid less. But I wouldn’t change any of it up until this point because if I hadn’t done everything I have done I wouldn’t have the beautiful baby girl serenity that I do now. But at this point in my life what’s more important a steady paycheck for my happiness,? With a daughter depending on me I think a steady paycheck is more important than my happiness but every day I go to work I feel so demoralized and extremely sad inside, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if I should’ve stayed in school longer which I’m pretty pissed off at past Albie about or if my limes disease that I had for a long time affected my brain in such a way that I’m just incapable of doing anything else has a career. At my current job I’m a superstar all the other jobs I’ve tried pretty much on the kid that needs to be wearing a helmet 24 seven they stick me in a corner and they give me busywork and they don’t look Meaniand that’s right talking about You Publix. And that makes me feel even worse so I could take Denis Leary’s advice about not being happy and just shut the fuck up I tried that for most of my life did you shut the fuck up but it gets to a point where I’m in the city desperation and I asked myself like Meijer did Is this all that IM is there nothing more? This is something I struggle with every day of my life except for Monday I love Monday so every work day of my life. Is there a path for me is there something I can be good at and get paid for and feel like a human being I don’t know will this ever get Better? Or am I destined to be stuck in the truck forever I’ve tried to change this about seven times in my life and have been unsuccessful. I think the worst part even worse than beating myself up about it is the fact that my family and friends with the exception of my mom because she would love anything I do ever and I love her for it, Is that I get crap from everybody they gave me crap for saying at the job on that and neither people that have a new job every three months no exaggeration or have had two jobs in their life and they’re giving me crap about it or unhappy at their job I try to focus on the positive all the time and not think about the negative but when certain situations come up I’m easily discouraged and it’s hard to keep going. I love https:// That I’ll stay in a miserable job the rest my life if I have to to take care of her but if there’s ever a way for me to take care of my daughter and not be sad 8 to 10 hours a day five days a week and just get some fulfillment I’m going to take it. Are there any better jobs out there? Of course there are but am I capable of doing them and if I’m not why I am almost self-aware enough to know how unaware I am. Let soap I get better at my come departmentalizing skills so I can push this out of my brain and continue with my life it’s just a bad day tomorrow should be better and I love you Renny.
Dictated into my iPhone.