Difficult

I’m 44 and celebrating my four-year unanniversary.

Today was the day it all kind of hit me. After four decades, I have yet to find someone who takes an interest in my life. I have been the person that makes and has friends and takes interest in other people’s lives. I spend time with them and enjoy what they enjoy. It seems my role is to be a witness to other people’s life, down to a person.
Not being liked, cared about, or have someone that takes an interest in who I am, hurts.
The closest I have gotten is people that liked the idea of me, needed me for something or put me in a role to fill.

It’s an empty life. It is said for others to like you, you must first like yourself. I have liked myself for a long time, but no one shares my opinion. Honestly the fact that I’m not liked, valued, cherished, cared about, or even understood is constant pain and emptiness. I just wanna give up. Not on life, but trying to be loved. It doesn’t seem in the cards for me. I really did try but at this point to keep trying would be insane. I joked about it for a while, but the truth is, I really am an NPC.

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