Renny and I had a great day together, just watching tv at home. It rained a lot today, so it was an inside day except my mom needed to go shopping, so we went on a drenched adventure to Walmart. It took longer than I thought it would, so I had to move around my jobs, but it all worked out. Serenity asked if she could wear her Chinese outfit again, I said “sure” and she got all excited.
All she wanted at the store was Peter Pan peanut butter and vegan hot dogs. 🌭
Today I felt drained in every way. Emotionally and physically. I spent a lot of last night crying before Renny got home and after she went to bed. I think I cried a lot of it out. That seemed to help a little. I don’t know what the answer is, or if there even is one? How do you get your family back when everyone in the family doesn’t want it to get back together and there are too many outside influences rooting against us.
The short answer is I don’t. I don’t get my family back. I enjoy every moment I can with what’s left of my family, my Serenity. And in time, hope to make a new whedonesque type family of friends that like me. I have this thing where people think I’m incredibly charming and want to dedicate their lives to me, or they don’t like me at all and want nothing to do with me. More of the latter lately.
Friendships went well today all around.
At best I’ll probably get another 40 years, and I have to make the best of it. I also feel like starting over in the last eight minutes of the movie of my life when six minutes are credits is a little silly, but what else is there?
I’m still having nightmares, this one had four people in it, two couples, the one was in a black pea coat, and they were all meeting on an escalator.
I ended the night with the first episode of Timeless and Star Trek, so a good ending to an imperfect day.